


Forethought

by mmmdraco



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Community: fifthmus, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 04:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shindou is running late and leaves Waya and Touya alone together at a restaurant. Conversation hesitantly ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forethought

"Is that the time?" Hikaru's eyes widened as he grabbed my arm and twisted my wrist to look at my watch. I wrenched it back away from him and watched as he tossed down a few bills for his half-eaten meal and grabbed his jacket; bowing as he backed away from the table while saying, "Sorry, guys! I promised my mom I'd help her with something!"

It wasn't the first time Hikaru's lack of forethought had left me sitting at a table with a cooling cup of tea and just enough food left on my plate that I couldn't quite leave yet. This was, however, the first time in recent memory that he'd left me with a guest... A guest who seemed to be on a quest to break some world record in finishing one's food... "Waya-san," I said politely as he scattered a spoonful of fried rice onto the table, "I'm not such bad company that you need to induce a stomachache, am I?"

He put his spoon down and wiped at his mouth with a napkin and just stared at me. "I didn't realize the time, either," he said finally after chewing and swallowing. My expression changed before I could stop myself and he scowled. "But I guess I can even hang out with _you_ for a little while."

"I know we aren't precisely friends, but don't you think it would be easier to spend time with Shindou at the same time if we could get along? We've all known each other for, what, a decade now?" 

He picked his spoon up again and lifted a small mountain of rice up to his mouth and shrugged. The motion toppled the mountain and he dug into the food again. I breathed out of my nose and found my temper flaring just a little. "Have I done something to you of which I'm not aware?"

Waya poked at his rice with his spoon and didn't look at me as he talked. "Not really. But you've gotta know that not everyone falls for your act, right?"

"My... Act?"

He looked up and his eyes caught mine and I was drawn to the intensity in them as he continued. "The 'prodigal son of the go world' act. Too good for mere mortals and _far_ above every other go player. Except Shindou. I can't say I really understand that one."

Great. He was one of _those_. I ripped my gaze away and sipped at my cold tea and felt my lips curl at the bitter aftertaste. We might not be friends, but we were associates. I could drop some of my poise. "So, you've never put on a brave front?" The last vestiges of food on my plate no longer looked appealing and I found myself pushing them around with my own spoon. "You really want to know? Fine. Here it is. I've been playing go since I was 2 years old. With the father I had, it was expected. I was given the option to choose to do something else with my life, but never an option about whether to learn it in the first place. I spent years as a child bemoaning my sad fate at being burdened with something I hadn't asked for, but when I realized that I was good? I couldn't stop playing, but I had to ask myself constantly whether I was playing because I was good or because I loved the game." I took another sip of tea and wondered whether our waitress would ever be coming back with more. "In meeting Shindou and playing him, I found the answer. He annihilated me during those first two games and all I wanted was to play him again. I had to love the game, or I would have been content to quit then." 

He scowled and picked up a fresh napkin and began folding it at irregular intervals in some bizarre mockery of pleating. "So that's supposed to make up for the fact that you do things like skip out on the first day of the pro exams to play Net Go?"

My head was shaking back and forth for a long moment before I could find words for my answer. "It was sai. I couldn't turn that down. I hadn't been planning on taking the pro exam that year anyway, so I thought I could take my chances. If I didn't pass, I would have gone again the next year. But, at that point, I had probably logged more hours playing go than almost anyone in that room, so forgive me for taking that chance. I was only doing it to make Shindou mad, which I realize isn't exactly professional either, but it was years ago." I stared at him and his wide-eyed confusion. "Please, don't assume that I walked in there on the second day assured of my own victory."

Waya's fingers had halted in their attempt to create something out of the napkin. "Weren't you, though?"

I shoved myself roughly away from the table and pulled out my wallet to toss down enough money to cover my meal. "Good day," I found myself growling out and I started to stalk past him, but he grabbed on to my wrist and jerked me back toward the table. "What?" I pulled my arm back and rubbed my thumb against the skin he'd twisted.

"I didn't mean it like that. You're good. Amazing. You _are_ the best of our generation. So, really, wasn't it a foregone conclusion that you would be there taking up a spot?"

"Taking up a spot?! Would you rather I had joined the insei and worked my way up? I can only imagine what you might have thought of me then."

He finally stood up and I noticed with a little satisfaction that I was taller than he was. "What, so you could go around bullying everyone into submission?"

That little... " _Me_ bullying everyone into submission? I find it amazing that someone with such an inferiority complex could manage to feel so superior to someone they'll never be able to beat."

And that was it: the straw that broke the camel's back. All of the rage that seemed to have been building up within him seemed to drain away as though my words had lanced him to his core. "You're right." The words sounded flat and lifeless and so counter to the disdain he'd poured into every syllable I could remember him saying to me. "I'll never be able to beat you."

My heart seemed to pump a little faster. "I shouldn't have said that."

He picked up his jacket and scowled at me again, but there was nothing behind it anymore to make it sting. "I'll see you around," he said as he turned to walk away and I found my arm reaching out and hooking through his own.

"You can't leave. You didn't pay for your part of the bill." His arm was warm where it settled in the crook of my elbow.

Shaking off my arm, he pulled out his wallet and slapped a large bill down on the table. "There. Now, can I go?"

"Can't we just forget all of those preconceived notions about each other? We play go. Isn't that enough?"

He shook his head and started to walk away again, but he turned after only a few short steps and walked up to me with his eyes flashing and bright and held up a finger to point at my face. "If that was all it took, I can think of a whole list of people I'd be friends with." His hand dropped and he moved forward until he was hardly a hand's breadth from me and I could feel the warmth of his breath against my jaw. "We might both play go, but it's still a game of playing sides."

"So, let's not be friends." My heart was pounding now and I was starting to question my sanity as I said my next words. "Go on a date with me instead." I let my arms hang loose at my side and braced myself for his reaction.

"What?!" Waya stepped backward and tripped on his shoelace and then I was somehow letting my arms regain their tension so I could hold him up and draw him to my chest. To my surprise, he stayed still once he was there. His breath was stilted and his shoulders were stiffened against my embrace, but he wasn't struggling or screaming or anything else I expected. "You're squeezing me," he said finally and I let my arms drop again.

The waitress finally appeared to collect the money scattered amongst the dishes on the tabletop and take it off to the register. I waited for her to leave before I spoke. "I'm not some robot created in a lab. I have feelings. I have dreams. I have crushes and fantasies. I think if you get to know me? You might end up liking me."

Waya snorted. "Well, you say you already like _me_."

I raised an eyebrow as I put on and buttoned my blazer. "I said no such thing. You're not bad to look at and Shindou obviously doesn't find your personality too distasteful, so you're worth at least a little of my time to find out more. What? Am I getting a chance to prove myself?"

He scuffed his foot along the ground and I wondered if a part of me had been hoping for this at the way my heart kept acting like Waya was some ball of electricity sent to shock me into realization of... something. He _was_ kind of cute. He reminded me of Shindou a little, but without the intensity focused on something that was somehow beyond me. 

Waya picked up the napkin he'd been folding up earlier and tore off a pleated corner. He dug into the pocket of his jacket still draped over his arm and pulled out a pen and scribbled something on the napkin piece that he handed to me with a fresh scowl draped across his lips. "Here."

It took me longer than I'd like to admit to decipher that it was his phone number. "So, that's a yes?"

Waya finally let out a hint of what a smile might look like on him and just that hint sparked a wave of desire in me. "Call me when you've got some free time," he said casually. "We can find something to do, I'm sure."

He really left that time, but neither of us were angry now. We were... going on a date? Well, it was progress at least. Shindou was pretty likely to leave the two of us alone together at some point in the future, so it would be good to have something to do together, even if it was just making out. I felt my face flush at the thought and I hurried to the door of the restaurant to head outside. To my surprise, Waya was standing against the wall outside the door.

"Weren't you leaving?"

He looked almost scared to see me. "I... I was! But I thought maybe you would stay in there longer and I just... I needed a moment."

I snorted before I could really think about it and got my rebuke in the look of hurt on his face. "I'm glad to see you're not as cool about it as you seemed. I don't exactly go around asking out co-workers a lot."

"So, no dates with Ashiwara-san? You always seem pretty close with him." Waya pushed himself away from the wall and turned his focus onto buttoning up his jacket. He looked up and said, "Sorry, I'm just kind of used to running off at the mouth when you're around."

I ignored the apology. "No. He's a little old for me, don't you think? And he's not really my type, either."

"Geez, you already know your type?" Waya stopped fiddling with his buttons and looked around the street at the handful of people moving through past the restaurants and shops. "I didn't even know I was... y'know.. until about a month ago."

My mouth went a little dry and I moved toward him. "I never thought I wasn't. My first crush was on someone in my father's study group. I was maybe six?"

Waya smirked. "So, someone I'd know, then?" His fingers still toyed with his buttons and I wanted to reach out and still his hands. "It has to be. Everyone in your dad's study group went on to do well, so they're all big names in the go world. I spent a lot of time wishing I'd been a part of that."

"Did..." I cleared my throat. "Did you want to come to the next session?"

"Huh?" He laughed. "No! Sorry, I didn't mean to give you that impression. I'm happy with my study group now. Morishita-sensei is pretty amazing in his own right. But... Thanks for asking." I was still watching his hands as he balled them in fists and stiffened his arms at his sides. "Since... Since you're not doing anything right now, do... do you want to go out on our d-date now?" 

My eyes were drawn back up to his face where his cheeks were pink and he couldn't quite keep his eyes on me. "Well, I was going to head back to my place. I really need to do laundry today." He still wouldn't meet my eyes, but started to nod. "But, I wouldn't be opposed to a little company if you'd like to come over. Since my parents are away most of the time now, it does get a little lonely." I drew in a sharp breath and waited for a response.

"Seriously?" Waya ran a hand through his hair. It somehow managed to stick up even more than usual. "Um, okay."

"Then, follow me." I raised my eyebrows and tried to smile like a normal person even though my stomach seemed to be trying to twist itself into some strange approximation of a modern sculpture. He didn't speak, but fell into step beside me.

I was suddenly glad that Shindou had been willing to eat at a place fairly close to my house. Waya pointed out things I overlooked as we walked; like a bird nibbling at a rice cracker in an alley and the way a set of airplane chem trails in the sky seemed to cross the sun as though it were a star point. I tried to hold up my end of the conversation, but I was growing more nervous the closer we got. When I suggested we go to my house, what expectations did he have? Still, he seemed pretty calm about it, so maybe I was just reading too much into it?

A neighbor's dog, a husky puppy, bounded up to us as we reached the gate and I watched Waya's eyes light up as he knelt down to scratch it behind the ears and under the chin. He laughed as it put its paws up on his knees and licked his cheek as he ruffled its fur. "He's a friendly little thing."

I found myself tucking my hair behind my ear as he looked up at me. "I'm afraid the same can't be said about me."

He gave the dog a last scratch along his spine and stood up with the dog crowding at his ankles for more attention. "Aren't you?"

I opened the gate. "I'm trying?"

Waya shooed the dog, whose name I couldn't seem to remember, away with a careful push of his foot and walked through the gate ahead of me. I frowned at the dog as it tried to follow, but I got the gate shut and led the way to the door. I was glad now, somehow, that I hadn't really bothered to clean up much in the last week or so. I was generally a neat person, but even I didn't quite agree that a bed had to be made every morning when you were just going to sleep in it again. Straightened up sheets, blanket, and pillows didn't suddenly make it clean. And if there were a few dishes in the sink, what did it matter as long as they'd been rinsed off? It gave the house a bit more of a lived-in feel and I felt like Waya might appreciate it.

"This is a really nice place," he said roughly as he toed off his shoes and slid into the house slippers I'd gestured to. 

I put on my own slippers and hung my jacket on the coat rack. "Thank you. May I take your coat?"

He made a noise of disbelief, but unbuttoned it and handed it over. I hung it next to my own and gestured toward the living room. I took a seat to one end of the couch and let him pick his own. It surprised me a little when he chose the other end of the couch, but, then again, it was supposed to be kind of a date. "Would you like some tea?"

Waya stretched an arm out on the armrest beside him. "Nah. I think I had plenty at the restaurant. Um, what do you want to do?"

I froze. Why did _this_ not come to mind? There wasn't really much to do here, was there? "Well, there's always go. We could watch television. I've got a computer in my room if you wanted to play some other games." I remembered my reason for coming home in the first place. "And laundry."

"You've got a computer?" He sat forward like he was actually interested. "You ever play Net Go? Y'know, other than that time with sai."

"Sometimes. I stopped playing under my own name after that match, though." Half the people who had tried to play me after that had only wanted to ask about sai as though I'd have answers. They'd been vultures. It still shook me a little to think about it. 

Waya leaned his head back against the couch. "I almost wish that had happened to me. I've played him before. But it was before everyone knew him, so I don't think anyone was watching. It was a good game from me, and then... He talked to me. I think I was the only one before he played you. He just said, 'I'm strong, aren't I?' like he was some brat cheating somehow. I still lost miserably, but I started following him: sai. So I think it pissed me off that you got to play him like you did because I wanted him to want to play me again. Still, he went on to even beat your father, so who knows how good he is?" He laughed and the sound echoed warmly off the walls. "I still look for him. I still imagine I'm going to have another chance to play him and then I might be good enough to have a real shot..."

"I used to think that Shindou was sai."

"Me too. He knows so much."

"The part of a game that I played against sai during that tournament you were helping with? The reason I was so shocked about it is that it was, move-for-move, the second game I played against Hikaru when he utterly crushed me." It's been so many years now and the feeling of loss after that game is more powerful than any other loss I've known. I felt my eyes start to water just at the thought, but I blinked them away and turned to Waya. "Shindou is an enigma, isn't he?"

Waya looked off into the distance for a moment. "I think the two of you were just destined to be rivals. It's kind of crazy, but don't all of your paths just lead back to each other?"

I thought about it for a long moment and was surprised by how comfortable the silence could be between us. It was true that our lives always seemed to collide in nearly unimaginable ways, but there was still room for life beyond that. I broke the silence firmly to say, "This path is leading somewhere else, isn't it?"

"Look," Waya rubbed the edge of his thumbnail against a discolored spot on the knee of his jeans, "I know it's gotta seem a little weird that I was acting like I hated you earlier and then I was ready to go on a date with you, or whatever."

"Is it?" I laughed. "I just figured I managed to win you over."

He rolled his eyes. "You did that when you forged a path into the pro world that was kind of amazing. You were aloof, but you played the game and you made it your own. For all that you disrespected everyone by skipping that pro exam game? I think you've proven yourself. All of the rest of us are just jealous. And even though I wanted to stop acting like you were some demon who was going to destroy the foundations of the game, it's hard to go against what people expect of you."

I nodded. "It really is."

"So, the person you had a crush on... Was it Ashiwara-san?"

"What?" I shook my head. "No. He wasn't even a part of my father's study group at that point."

"Older than him, then?" Waya held up fingers as he thought, presumably to tick off the names of my father's known associates. "Wait..." He turned to me and I swore I could feel his gaze eating through my flesh. "It's Ogata-san, isn't it?"

I sighed. "Yes. He seemed pretty cool back then. I've grown out of that now, though, in case you were wondering." I looked at him and wondered out loud, "What made you realize you were gay?"

He groaned and leaned back again. "Well, you know how Morishita-sensei has two kids? Saeki-san had dared me to peep on his daughter while she was changing, only I was stupid and got the wrong room and saw his son, but I couldn't seem to make myself stop watching. You know, they kind of teach you as you're growing up _not_ to stare at, well, any of that. I'd seen pictures of naked girls and they were fine, but when I saw him... But, it wasn't even really him. It was just that I'd never stopped to look at a guy as something sexual before, but then I did, and now my brain is trying to view every guy that way to see where my, uh, interests lie."

That kind of figured. "So, how interested are you in me?" Might as well be blunt about it, right?

He scratched a spot on his elbow. "I don't know. Because, I mean, I'm pretty new to this. I barely know how to tell actual attraction from recognizing that someone looks good, and then to have to decide whether I'm _interested_? I was kind of hoping we could kiss or something and I could see what I think because I have zero practical experience and you're really the only guy who's expressed any interest in me and I _do_ think you're kind of hot and I really kind of wanna see what you look like when you're kind of, well, messy." He said all of that while looking at some arbitrary spot on the floor and he turned to me now like a child sorry for his actions and awaiting his punishment.

"Hn." I turned on the couch so that one of my legs was tucked underneath me. "If a little bit of kissing is all you're after, then who am I to refuse you?"

Waya was hesitant, obviously, but he still turned toward me. "You... You wouldn't mind?"

"Mind?" My laugh came out so throaty that I ended up coughing at the end of it. "Right. I'm going to be so upset about it. It's two sets of lips coming together. It can mean as much or as little as you want it to."

He shook his head. "Still, maybe it's not such a great idea. I don't want you to feel awkward around me."

I sighed. "Do you see me being awkward around Shindou?"

"Wait... You and Shindou?"

I shrugged and picked at a loose thread on the side of my sock. "It was just one kiss. I was feeling all of these things for him and I couldn't sort them out, so I mistakenly assumed it was love. In retrospect, it wasn't even lust. But he let me confess my confusion and let me kiss him and then revealed that he wants no part of any of that until he has at least two major titles. He did always have something of a laser-like focus on things."

"He never told me!" Waya shook his head. "I can't believe him." He bit his lip. "So, even if this goes nowhere, you'll be okay?"

"We've made progress so far, haven't we?" He took a deep breath and leaned in closer to me, but I stopped him with a hand on his chest and moved forward so that our knees were pressed together. "Let's not make this any harder than it needs to be."

His lips quested to find mine and it was almost charming how eager he was, but he was also really, really bad. His lips were pressed together so tightly that I might as well have been kissing my fist. I pulled back again and shook my head. "You really haven't done this before, have you?"

His cheeks flushed as he stared down at his lap. "That obvious?"

"A little." I let my hands come up to tangle in his hair so my fingers just grazed the nape of his neck. "You want to just relax and have fun with it. Accept the fact that kissing means you may exchange a little saliva."

He nodded and I leaned in to guide this kiss. He was amazingly pliable as I stroked my fingers through his hair and coaxed his lips apart. I was surprised when his tongue touched mine, and even further so when his hands that had been clutched on his knees touched my shoulders gently. Before I could really tell what was happening, Waya was climbing on top of me and straddling my lap. I pulled away and smirked as he moaned. "Better, but you're starting to cross the line past just kissing, you know."

Waya started to pull himself off of my lap, but I grabbed his waist. He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I don't want to put you in an awkward po-"

I cut him off. "Look, we're both adults here, right? So let's be honest. If you want to do more, I'm not going to turn you down. And if you don't, well, I can work with that, too."

"I... I should make sure that I like the sex before really committing to being gay, right?" He squirmed on top of me and it took a lot of willpower not to grind against him.

"That's really stupid," I said as I tried to still his hips. "I'll agree that you need to try things to figure out whether you like them, but if you're finding yourself this attracted to men, then you're at least bisexual and I think that's proven by how you're rubbing against me." His hips stilled. "I didn't say that was a bad thing."

He tried to move back again, but I shook my head and he stayed still. "It's just new," he said softly and the words trailed off.

"Of course it's new! Every feeling is new at some point, but you get used to it by living with it and dealing with it. So, when you find yourself getting hard from making out with someone, it's okay to figure out what happens next instead of stressing yourself out about some label that you're not ready to share with the world anyway. If you want to go all the way, then do it. And if you want ten minutes of time in the bathroom without questions, then that's fine. And if you want to find some happy medium to use as a testing grounds for your comfort level, then go for it!"

"And I can do this with you?" He leaned forward and kissed me again, but softly this time.

I pushed my hips upward so that my erection, brought forth by his ministrations, rubbed against his ass and he let out a gasp. "I'll go ahead and tell you that there aren't a lot of options in the go world. My experience comes primarily from a guy I met in school, but I certainly tried to suss out who might be an option that would know something about the thing that took up most of my time. I'm not opposed to being someone's experiment as long as I get something out of it."

"Then, let's see what I'm comfortable with," he said and I could almost feel his resolve harden along with the cock he was suddenly pressing against my stomach as he rolled his hips against me.

I pulled his mouth down to mine again, suddenly extra glad of the height that I had on him. His hands moved to my shirt and started to work at my buttons. I was glad of the loose pullover he was wearing as it took only a moment to push him away and strip it off. I batted away his hands and stripped off my partially unbuttoned shirt and tossed it behind me. I brought my hands up to his chest and let my thumbnail scrape against one of his nipples. He pulled back and covered his chest. "Didn't like that? It's okay. Not everyone does."

He shook his head. "It, uh, startled me, I guess." He let his hands drop. "Try it again?" He watched this time as I let the pad of my thumb stroke across the bottom of his nipple and he shivered and nodded his head. I pinched it a little and he drew in a sharp breath and bit his lip. He looked at me and his expression almost seemed to scream out his desire. I pulled his chest toward me and closed my mouth around his nipple and flicked my tongue against it and he curled his arms around my neck and panted hard into the air. "I... I think I like that." I let one hand rest on his hip and used the other to stroke against the front of his pants while continuing to work at the hard nub of flesh in my mouth. He choked out a moan and leaned forward so that his lips were pressed against my hair. I could feel them mouthing words he gave no voice. 

I pushed him backward along my thighs and shoved him off onto the couch and grasped for the zipper of his pants. "Are you still okay with this?" I asked as he brought his hands up to his lap.

He looked so completely lost in his arousal that I wasn't certain I was going to get an answer. When he did, his eyes were still wild with passion. "What are you going to do?"

"Mouths can suck other places, too." His bottom lip trembled and he moved his hands back to his sides as he nodded. I was quick about taking his cock from his pants. I gave the head a lick and closed my eyes at the bitter taste of the fluid already pooled there while he gasped. I could feel his fingertips press against my shoulders and I reached back to move them to my head.

"It's okay?" I opened my eyes and looked up at him again with my mouth full of his cock and nodded as best I could. 

His fingers slid through my hair and against my scalp and I let my tongue work against his foreskin. He let out a littany of muttered curses as I pushed myself down further on him and his fingers tightened in my hair as my lips tightened around the base of his cock. "I'm gonna-" was all he got out before I felt him pulse against my tongue and tasted his thick come. I swallowed quickly and continued to suck at him until he winced and loosened his hold on my hair. The wet sound of his cock leaving my mouth made him laugh softly as he leaned back against the couch.

"That's still not a guarantee that you're gay, you know." I eased myself carefully to a standing position; minding the abrasive rub of my pants against my aching cock.

He shook his head. "That was amazing. I'm just sorry I didn't, uh, last longer." His shoulders hunched forward and he looked away from me.

"Everyone goes quick their first time, I think." I unbuckled my belt and eased it through the loops to let it fall to the ground. "I know I did."

Looking up again, Waya's lips opened and his tongue peeked out to moisten them. "Do I... Do I return the favor?"

I tried to muffle the burst of laughter that came out at the question. "I won't say no if you want to try, but I _know_ that I like sucking cock, so it wasn't exactly an imposition to do it for you."

He blushed. "You can just _talk_ about it like that? I can barely say s-sex."

Shifting my hips, I unbuttoned my pants, eased the fly away from my cock, still covered by my underwear, and sat down rather closer to him than I had been earlier. "Look, my first time was, oh, six years ago? I've had time to get used to things and to understand who I am. All of this is rather new to you, so it is okay to be cautious and hesitant and to be a blushing virgin. It's okay to take your time and it's okay to throw yourself into it. I don't have plans to tell anyone about this, so you don't have to worry there."

When he buried his face in his hands, I sighed and reached out and rubbed a hand along his back. He straightened almost immediately and looked at me. "Then, uh, let's go all in. Would you...?" He shook his head. "How can I do it if I can't even say it, right?"

"Just blurt it out." I smiled. "Just tell me what you want me to do. The worst I'll do is say no."

With a deep breath, he said quickly, "I want you to fuck me." He bit his lip. "Is that... Is that okay?" My face must have shown my surprise. "If it's not..."

I shook my head. "No! It's... I guess surprising is the word? Why?"

His blush darkened. "When I touch myself, I, uh, touch there, too. It feels good. So, when I started having all of these feelings about, y'know, guys... I started to wonder what it would feel like, and I figure that if fingers feel good..."

His shoulders were hunching forward again and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "If you're sure..."

"Yes!" He nodded and gestured to the floor. "Should I just get down there?"

I laughed. "You know, I have a perfectly serviceable bed upstairs. Come on." He stood up and his pants slid down to his thighs and he reached for them with a nervous laugh. "Just leave them here." I stood up and pushed my own pants down and stepped out of both them and my house slippers, but leaving me in my underwear and socks. He followed suit and trailed after me to my room. I could almost feel his eyes on my ass as I walked and I felt awkward because of it. 

When we got in my room and I closed the door behind us, he jumped slightly like it had startled him. "You can still say no. You don't have to be brave or reckless. You don't have to prove anything."

Waya licked his lips and I watched as his eyes roamed over me. He grasped the edge of his own underwear and carefully stretched them out and down to avoid catching on his half-hard cock. "I want this," he said as he stepped out of them and let them drop to the floor. "And the further we go, the more sure I seem to be that I want it with you."

I pulled off my own underwear and stepped closer to him so that we were toe to toe and my cock was pressed against his stomach. His gaze was directed downward and he was panting softly. Hands clutched in fists at his sides, I wondered how much he was actually wanting this for what it was, and how much he was wanting it as a sure sign of acceptance from someone for thoughts he found deviant. If it were the latter, I couldn't exactly fault him. My own early relationships had been intense due more to my forced enthusiasm for every aspect of them than for any real desire on my part. They'd been enjoyable at the time, but they'd left me feeling even more lonely at the end. I felt a prick at my conscience. 

Bringing a hand up to to his chin, I lifted his face to look at me again. "You're going to feel so alone after this."

He shook his head slightly. "What? No."

I smiled and felt the throb of my cock when it pressed against him and tried to maintain a calm I definitely wasn't feeling. "You will. I'm a horrible person for even letting it go this far."

"No!" His shaking head was ruffling his hair and I reached up to brush it back from his forehead.

"Yes. Do you want your first time to be someone taking advantage of you because of their own loneliness? Do you want it to be in the bed of a man who everyone thinks you despise?"

"I don't care what people think!" He reached up and grabbed my shoulders and pulled himself even closer to me and I groaned as his cock slid against mine.

"Let's..." I took a deep breath and pushed him back. "I can't do this. Not now." He looked horrified and shamed and backed away from me to grab his underwear again. I shook my head as I watched him try to find some way to hide himself in plain sight as he pulled them on. "Do you think that a healthy relationship can start like this?!"

He turned back to me and his eyes were wide. "What did you say?"

"Do you think a healthy relationship can start like this? Don't you, I don't know, want to see if this can go somewhere other than between the sheets?"

"You..." He leaned back against the wall. "Are you saying you want to _date_ me?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and I bent down and grabbed my own underwear and slid them on. "I'm saying that I want to get to know you. We've spent so many years with you at my throat that I want to see who you are when that isn't happening. I want a chance to see if we can get to where we are right now without forcing it."

His back slid against the wall as he came to rest on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest. "Is that your way of asking me out on a real date?"

"One without Shindou. Yes."

"Do you like movies?" He voiced the sentiment weakly.

I moved so that I could crouch down in front of him. "Sometimes. I'd at least be willing to try that."

"Tomorrow night, then?"

With a laugh, I nodded. "Let's meet up after the oteai games, then."

His smile was a brilliant thing that only seemed to serve to make me regret following my conscience. "Yes!" He looked me up and down again and bit his lip as he pointed to my erection once again stretching the fabric of my underwear. "Uh, what are you going to do about that?"

"I'll take care of it myself. Don't worry about it." 

He stood up and pointed to the door. "I'll just let myself out, then." He pulled me up to a standing position and kissed me again, his mouth drawing my bottom lip between his and his tongue just brushing my own a moment later. He pulled back and wiped his mouth with the back on one hand. "Thanks for this." He walked away with a grin.

When the door closed, so did my eyes. I managed the few steps to my bed blindly and fell across the top and pulled my cock back out from my underwear and grasped it loosely and began to stroke myself. With thoughts of Waya playing through my mind, it hardly took any time at all before I was shooting white across the back of my hand.

Wiping my hand on my underwear, I found myself hopeful about the next day. How much of his dislike of my personality was actually based on me and how much was based on some perceived notion of my attitude? I was looking forward to finding out. If things ended badly, at least we'd both know why he treated me the way he did. And if they went well, that was a whole different story altogether. 

But first, the laundry.


End file.
